Gorilla Learns About Death

Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday

Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack, Loves Twilight

Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation's Capitol To Spare Life Of 'Twilight' Author

That's Some Good Horse Whippin!

Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win

New Google Phone Service

New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users' Ears

Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips

Stouffers says the suicide prevention tips are available on all single serving microwavable dinners whether you enjoy veal parmigiana alone or beef stroganoff alone.

Paltrow Punched?

'Iron Man 2' Buzz Heats Up After Rumors Gwenyth Paltrow Gets Punched In Face

Final Season For Lost Fans

Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

Census Visits Providing Chance For Human Interaction

Census Visits Providing Shut-Ins Once-A-Decade Chance For Human Interaction

Son of Air Buddy?

Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog

Fattie Questions NASA

Astronaut Suspects NASA Using Him To Test Space's Effects On Fat People

New Marriage Law?

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other

Rep Wants To Rid Congress Of Gang Members

Live From Congress: Representative Wants To Rid Congress Of Gang Members

New Google Opt Out Feature

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Biden Gets His Hennessy On

Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy Ads

Twlight Books Have A Challenger

Adult readers say they are drawn to the 'Green Man' children's book series by the complexity of its characters ranging from yellow to blue.

Sad, Unpreventable Tragedy

Boy’s Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python

Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?

A troubling national report finds an increasing number of parents have found strange pipes, herbs, and other implements of shamanic activity in their teenagers' bedrooms.

Operation Weezy F. Baby

The DEA says Lil Wayne is an indispensable weapon against Mexican drug cartels having eradicated 40 tons of marijuana alone by smoking it himself.

The Dreaded 2 AM Worm

Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk

Chinese Paint Tops List Of This Year's Must-Have Holiday Gifts

Parents are lining up at disreputable hardware stores across the nation to get their hands on this holiday season's most sought-after item: a bucket of vivid, low-odor Chinese paint.