Every Christmas season as I'm going through my holiday movies, I probably have a few that most people don't exactly consider classics. One such movie is Santa's Slay. But I'm pretty sure I know why it's not on everyone's holiday viewing list, although I love it. You get your money's worth if you only watch it for the opening 5 minutes when James Caan, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart and Fran Drescher are sitting around the family dinner table bickering before Santa (former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg) comes down the chimney, kicks the family dog into the ceiling fan, roasts Fran and proceeds to destroy the entire family. This pretty much sets the tone and tempo for what you're in store for.It's vile, vulgar and absolutely ludicrous... but it's a blast. If you like horror comedies and Christmas movies, this is a great mix. Actually it's pretty much the only Christmas horror comedy I can think of other than Gremlins I guess. So at least it's the 2nd best one.
According to "The Book of Klaus", Santa's actually Satan's only son, who loses a bet and has to spread Christmas cheer for 1000 years, which has just expired. So Santa's pissed off and now, evil and jacked, he's setting houses on fire, making out with "ho's," driving candy canes through people's eyes, impaling a guy with a Jewish Menorah, beheading gift-openers and generally causing Christmas havoc! Oh yeah, Santa's sleigh is pulled by a buffalo (hell-deer) and he runs old ladies off the road. In what other film does Santa have big guns and deliver quips such as "Aw, Grandpa got run over by a reindeer"? Looking for a film where Santa tries to run down people on a Zamboni machine? Look no further.
Honestly though, the cast is pretty good in addition to all the great cameos in the opening scene. Goldberg is perfect for his role as he doesn't say a lot, rarely emotes and smashes lots of stuff. Santa never looked so intimidating. Emilie de Ravin (Claire on "Lost") and Douglas Smith have major roles and both are likable. The gassy Grandpa who seems to know what's going on is played perfectly by veteran actor Robert Culp. Dave Thomas is also a great sleazy pastor.
I think the best part of the film is the way Santa kills people in various holiday-themed ways, usually followed by a snappy one-liner. You can catch a few nods to It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story and even the classic Rankin-Bass Christmas specials. There's pretty much something in this movie to offend everyone, so if you take it seriously you're sort of missing the point. It's a cheesy, b-movie and it knows it. You really don't have time to get sick of the schtict either, with a run time of just over 70 minutes.
So give it a shot. I think someday this will be required holiday viewing, possibly as a double-feature with Bad Santa.
Santa (reading "A Christmas Carol"): "Christmas can sure scare the Dickens out of people."
