Movie Review: Saw VI

Synopsis: Special Agent Strahm is dead and Detective Hoffman has emerged as the unchallenged successor to Jigsaw's legacy. However, when the FBI draws closer to Hoffman, he is forced to set a game into motion and Jigsaw's grand scheme is finally understood.

I'm a huge fan of the Saw series and have been since the original, but for some reason I never made it out to the theater to see this one last Halloween. I guess I'd almost grown bored with it a bit, although I did have my annual home Saw marathon and watched the first 5. But anyway, now I sort of regret not catching the latest bloodbath in the theaters, because this is the best installment in quite a while.

What changed? Well the script is just better. The plot becomes more about health insurance than grisly kills (although those are still there). Nobody sues for malpractice, but there is some revenge of the uninsured in the form of bloodletting. The back-story is still there and it finally all comes together really, with a lot of reveals on things that have gone down before.

But the best thing about the Saw films? The traps. In the opening we get a game between 2 people to see who can remove the most flesh, which sets the pace for what is to come. Along the way there's a cool shotgun-carousel, a steam room, breathing room, hanging room, another reverse bear-trap, amputations, hydrofluoric acid injections, head-piercing and more. It's everything you've come to expect from a Saw film.

Costas Mandylor is back as Hoffman, but I think he's pretty wooden in this actually. Tobin Bell and Shawnee Smith are both back, but since they're dead their roles are minor with just flashbacks and visions... especially Shawnee. She's barely in it at all, so that sucks. Betsy Russell gets a bigger role as Jill (Jigsaw's wife) and continues to be the sexiest woman in her late 40s you'll ever see. I was also glad to see Athena Karkanis back as Agent Perez.

So usually a series that has 6 films (with #7 on the way) loses steam instead of getting better, but I was really surprised that this one may be the best since Saw II. It ties up loose ends, has a nice inventive plot, good traps and plenty of blood and guts. It probably won't make any new fans, and might be confusing to anyone who hasn't seen the rest of the series, but for a die hard like me it's a very welcome return to form.

8/10

Movie Review: The Graves

Synopsis: Two inseparable sister's visit to a remote mine town turned tourist trap turns into a mind-bending fight for survival against menaces both human and supernatural.

Well, there are a few good things to note from this After Dark Horrorfest 4 entry so I'll do just that. First, there are not 1 but 2 horror legends as Tony Todd (Candyman) and Bill Moseley (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) are in it, but they both suck here. Todd hams it up way too much and Mosely puts on a pig nose and acts like an idiot. But while I'm on the casting, at least one of the "Grave sisters" is super hot (Jillian Murray), so that's a plus. Also Randy Blythe (lead singer of Lamb of God) is in it and that's sort of cool if you're a fan of the band.

But overall the acting is pretty much atrocious, thanks in no small part to the script and dialogue. There's no tension, no scares and 90% of the gore and violence occur off-camera. Add to that the fact that there is zero originality here as it begins like a billion other horror films as the girls go to an isolated location and begin to get chased by a big killer ala every slasher movie you've ever seen. Then cliche after cliche occur and it becomes a supernatural movie or sorts, followed by more of a cult town movie ala Children of the Corn. I'm not sure they really decided what type of movie to make and it's just all over the place and by the end doesn't really make a damn bit of sense.

I will add to the plus list that the pace was good and it's not a boring, slow movie by any means. So watch it for that and to see Jillian Murray running around in a tank top and you'll be satisfied I guess.

One of the weaker After Dark Horror Fest titles for my money.

4/10

Movie Review: Dead Snow

Synopsis: A ski vacation turns horrific for a group of medical students, as they find themselves confronted by an unimaginable menace: Nazi zombies.

So, I got 3 words for ya... Norwegian Nazi Zombies. Yep. It's so on. All you really need to know is right there. This movie is pretty much The Evil Dead meets Zombieland, in the snowy mountains of Norway, with Nazis... and subtitles. Really, that's an apt comparison so you should know whether this film is for you or not. It's got that same sort of creepy, yet sort of funny at times, vibe without being a comedy. It's a nice balance of horror and comedy.

It's called Dead Snow (Død Snø) but I think the original name was "Red Snow" which I like a whole lot better actually, because there is boatloads of blood and gore. The effects don't try to steal the show but there is some pretty cool low-budget type gore. There are seemingly endless zombies coming from all over so there are a lot of kills and some pretty creative. There are several nods to many classic, but mainly the aforementioned The Evil Dead films. It plays more like an homage than a rip-off though.

Usually in a film like this, with the foreign language and subtitles, it's difficult to really get an appreciation for the acting or emotions but both are well done here. I really enjoyed the cast and their work.

And something you don't normally hear about movies like this... the cinematography is fantastic. I loved the setting in the snowy mountains and the director does a good job of showing it off.

So those wacky Norwegians do it again. Watch this back-to-back with Fritt Vilt (Cold Prey) and then join me in hoping more people from there take up the horror industry.

Ein! Zwei! Die!

7.5/10

Movie Review: Cabin Fever 2

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

Synopsis: A high school prom faces a deadly threat: a flesh-eating virus that spreads via a popular brand of bottled water.

I'm actually a pretty big fan of the original Cabin Fever, but the difference is that writer/director Eli Roth is nowhere to be found here. This one tries to keep that same sense of horror/comedy going but fails at pretty much every turn.

It does a good job of establishing a sort of a "throw back" feel of the 80s really and if you like sick, disgusting, puss and vomit and such... you're in luck. It goes for gross-out and hits it's mark there, but I sort of like my grossness to be fun and this one feels just more like disgusting and unpleasant. The same can be said for all the characters, which I hated, except for Noah Segan in the lead role. He's the only character I didn't hate after 2 minutes of screen time. Plot wise, it's an incoherent mess.

But my biggest annoyance with it I guess is the animated opening and closing sequences. I've read some people liked them, but I thought it was just lazy. They try to move the story along and show us things that are going on with the bottled water or virus or whatever, and it just seems stupid and out of place to me. I didn't like it, especially at the end. It's like they just can't decide if the movie is a total farce or what. It wants to be dark comedy, but has cartoon sequences?

But I was mildly entertained for 80-plus minutes, and again there's a lot of gross-out stuff if that's your thing. Otherwise I'd suggest skipping this sequel.

3.5/10

Movie Review: The Crazies

Synopsis: A husband and wife in a small Midwestern town find themselves battling for survival as their friends and family descend into madness. A mysterious toxin in the water supply turns everyone exposed to it into mindless killers and the authorities leave the uninfected to their certain doom in this terrifying reinvention of the George Romero horror classic.

I realize these horror remakes are a dime a dozen lately but every once in a while one of them really works for me, like for example Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead remake back in '04. Well much like that one, The Crazies comes out with a little bit of Johnny Cash (We'll Meet Again) but then slowly builds some tension before letting all hell break loose. It's very well made, has a nice tone and pace and actually is pretty intelligent (for a horror film).

There's nothing really new here as horror films go. Most of the whole big government cover-up, deadly virus, contamination thing has been done to death, it's just that is hasn't really been done this well in a while. It's part Cabin Fever, part The Stand and part Dawn of the Dead. They do a good job of investing in the characters so you care about them, and a good job of keeping you guessing who is infected and who isn't. It delivers plenty of psychological horror that gets you to thinking, then injects action scenes to get your heart racing again.

As for true scares, there are a few jump scare moments and some genuinely creepy scenes. One of my favorites is at the beginning, as seen in trailers, when the guy walks out onto the baseball field with a shotgun. In today's society that's a scary picture because it's so realistic.

I like Timothy Olyphant (A Perfect Getaway, Hitman) and he's the main man for most of the movie, along with his wife played by super sexy Radha Mitchell (Rogue, Silent Hill). I've professed my love for her many times, I'll add that I'd fight a town of zombies for her any day.

Overall this is a slick, stylish, spooky, smart, gory remake that should please horror fans. An early candidate for my favorite horror film of the year I'm sure.

8/10

Movie Review: Carriers

Synopsis: An apocalyptic tale where four friends fleeing a viral pandemic threatening to wipe out the human race discover that their greatest enemy is not the microbe attacking humanity, but the darkness within themselves.

This sort of reminded me of Zombieland, minus the zombies and comedy. It's dark, grimy and more intense and really deals more with human nature than the deadly virus.

Our 4 leads are trying to simply survive and get to a locale that they feel they can be safe and along the way they encounter problems, not just with others but within their own group, which leads to a lot of those "what would I do" type situations. It helps that they got solid actors with Chris Pine (James T. Kirk in Star Trek) getting a lot of screen time.

It's not a bad film by any means, but I like my "horror" with a bit more action so it didn't blow me away. It's sort of tame on the horror scale and leans more towards the thought-provoking, emotional character study side of things. Ultimately it really adds nothing to the survivalist film genre though but it passes in a swift 84 minutes so I recommend giving it a look if it sounds like your thing.

6/10

Movie Review: The Reeds

Synopsis: A weekend boating party turns into a nightmare for a group of young Londoners when they stumble upon a terrifying secret hidden in the reeds.

Sometimes I like a horror movie that's a bit convoluted and tough to figure out what the hell is going on. But by the end, I do like there to be a good payoff with explanations and everything falls into place. Sadly with The Reeds you get neither a good payoff or everything falling into place. I thought it did a little bit, but then there's another ending tacked on after a few credits roll that put it right back in the WTF territory. And it wasn't even that good a payoff to begin.

It's just so full of stupid plot points, hallucinations and visions that are never really explained worth a flip. At the end I tried to go back through the film in my mind and explain some things and it really only made them worse. I think the director just didn't know where he was going with it quite honestly and thought if he made it ridiculously confusing enough that it might be seen as deep. Well it's not.

The good? Well it's got a terrific eerie atmosphere and setting as the location out among the reeds is great. It's set in the Norfolk Broads, a network of mostly navigable rivers and lakes in the English countryside. It starts out with a whole lot of promise as the set-up of an isolated location with what I assumed was some "evil kids" is a pretty tried-and-true formula for crazy goings-on. It feels like something bad is about to happen as the tension builds, and it does with a couple of big slices of horrific gore... then the downhill plunge begins, and unfortunately never ends. My hopes were getting built up only to be leave me scratching my head and wishing for so much more, starting with explanations.

Decent premise, poor execution.

4/10

Movie Review: Sorority Row

Synopsis: A group of sorority sisters try to cover up the death of their house-sister after a prank gone wrong, only to be stalked by a serial killer.

I only recently watched 1983's The House on Sorority Row and wasn't too crazy about it, so when this hit the theater back in October I completely ignored it despite the load of sexy gals on the poster. Now having seen it I think it's only fair to say it's nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be and better than the original. In fact, it shares very little in common with the original other than the fact that it involves sorority sisters and a prank gone wrong.

There are definitely plenty of eye-catching women running around in next-to-nothing so that's a major plus. My personal favorite is the incredibly gorgeous Jamie Chung, who I could just pause the DVD and stare at for hours. Briana Evigan, Audrina Patridge and Leah Pipes all do similar things to my dreams. There are plenty of other sisters in Theta Pi that make me want to go to their parties even at the risk of death by psycho slasher. The sorority parties are ridiculously over-the-top but it's sort of funny really, as it seems to be making fun of the sorority lifestyle, not trying to be realistic.

The movie is definitely nothing original but hell it's a slasher film, what do you expect? It reminds me a lot of the Scream films and the Urban Legend series. I like the way it's very slickly and stylishly shot, enjoyed the inventive death sequences, laughed at a lot of the cynical and snide humorous dialog and played along with the classic murderer guessing game. I felt like it never really took itself too seriously and played right along with what it was.

It's nothing special nor is it exactly Bill Shakespeare, but if you're into slasher films I think it's a fun little flick. And the eye candy. Oh my, the eye candy.

6/10

Movie Review: Drive Thru

Synopsis: Horror gets super sized when Horny The Clown, the demonic mascot of "Hella-Burger," starts slashing Orange County teenagers with his meat cleaver from Hell in this horror-comedy.

A pretty deranged sort of comedy, it's probably a close kin to movies like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or maybe Eight Legged Freaks I guess. As a horror film, it's just sort of dumb and derivative. As a comedy it's OK as there are a few humorous moments and it never takes itself very seriously at all. Still though, there's quite a bit of gore and some inventive kills. It's cheesy but the acting is actually good for what the movie is.

I also liked the masked killer, Horny the Clown. I mean really, with that name for your slasher how could you not like him? And he's a clown! I hate clowns! He actually looks sort of cool in his ridiculous outfit and mask and his weapon is bad ass.

Another huge bonus though is that ultra-hot Leighton Meester is the lead and her Mom is the also ultra hot (and 42-year-old) Melora Hardin (Jan on The Office). They can easily distract from some of the cliched goings on. There's also an awesome "cameo" by Supersize Me writer/director Morgan Spurlock as a Hellaburger manager, which you'll appreciate if you are familiar with that documentary.

Most impressive is that it's a low budget film but doesn't really look the part. It actually looks as good as a lot of much higher profile horror films that find their way to the theater. The director does a nice job on a lot of the scenes with the killer. There's also quite a few nods to 80s slasher films.

Overall... just don't expect too much, and really how could you expect too much from a low-budget flick about annoying, stereotypical teens getting wasted by a masked burger-joint mascot?

5/10

Movie Review: The Final

Synopsis: A group of high school outcasts plan a big party so they can exact brutal revenge on the obnoxious gang of alpha males and stuck-up prom queens who have abused and belittled them.

I saw an early review on this film that said it's sort of "Saw goes to Columbine" and that's not too far from the truth. It's nowhere near as well done as most of the Saw series, nor as brutal, but it does have it's moments. And it's definitely a script right out of the headlines of today's regular school violence occurrences. But is it a good film and does it really have a big social message? Well, maybe 10 years ago. Nowadays it's just sort of cliched and a little bit ho-hum.

That's not to say it's not a decent and watchable for a cheaply done horror film. It's just probably not as powerful as it once would have been, nor as shocking. The kids all seem a bit over-the-top with their actions and stereotypical, so much so that the early high school bullying scenes seem almost satirical I thought. Then once the plan is put into motion, it gets pretty interesting and brutal, but nowhere near as brutal as it could have been as there's just too much talking and arguing going on and not enough action. It has a few gory, torture scenes but there's really not a lot of suspense or tension and then the payoff is just sort of meh.

A few other points... the kids getting revenge set up a camera at the beginning and say they're going to be Internet legends, but they never really touch on that again. If they would have shown them broadcasting live over the Internet or something that would have added something. Also all the outcasts wear masks at first, but say they weren't going to kill any of the bullies, yet they were going to kill themselves at the end? Why wear masks? Wouldn't the whole point have been to show the bullies who was getting revenge on you? It's sort of moot after a bit as they remove their masks, but it sort of made me feel like the writer just did it because it looked cooler. And frankly, the masks did look cooler. Lastly, they imprison the cool kids by slipping something in their drink. Something apparently magical that makes them all pass out and then wake up at the same time just a bit later. What the hell is that and where do I get it? Is it like a 30-minute roofie or something? Sort of silly and convenient I thought.

Most of the films it borrows so heavily are done better, but this one is still worth watching as teen revenge fantasies go. It's got a mean-spirit and some disturbing moments but doesn't really deeply address any of the problems at the root of it, but simply puts them on display yet again. If I hadn't seen it all so many times before it might be more memorable. Let's just hope we don't ever see this story again in the real world.

5/10

Movie Review: The Hurt Locker

Synopsis: Forced to play a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse in the chaos of the Iraq war, an elite Army bomb squad unit must come together in a city where everyone is a potential enemy and every object could be a deadly bomb.
The only way I could see somebody being disappointed in this film is if they went in to it expected an all out action flick. That's not what this is. It's an intense, riveting movie about the Iraq war with plenty of action, but it's a character study of the effects of this war on people with some of the toughest assignments I can imagine.

This film is almost just a ride-along with a group of bomb techs and many of the scenes are so nerve-racking that you better be prepared for some nail biting. It's very well acted, well written and well directed, making the realism even that much more so. The use of hand-helds puts your right in the middle of the war, minus the risks. By the end my nerves were just shot. If you immerse yourself in this, you'll almost have to endure this film as much as you enjoy it.

I must say, I usually dump on a lot of movies the critics love. I prefer big, loud, dumb summer blockbuster types that the critics hate. I would rather see a film with G.I. Joe vs The Transformers before I'd sit through The Piano or Moulin Rogue. But... the critics have been slurping this steadily and I must say I agree with them. Really good movie.

8/10

Movie Review: Where The Wild Things Are

Synopsis: An adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's story, where Max, a disobedient little boy sent to bed without his supper, creates his own world--a forest inhabited by ferocious wild creatures that crown Max as their ruler.

I think there are really 2 ways to look at this movie.

1) As simply a children's story
2) A much deeper film about the psyche of a child

If you have a child who wants to see it you'll want to treat it as option #1 I guess, although it's a bit dark for that even. As an adult viewing it I think it works more as a complex and poignant journey into a child's mind. Trying to figure out if the monsters Max creates are supposed to represent his ID, Ego and Subconscious or if each monster represents someone or something going on in his life is very interesting. I like to think it's a little of both, but it's definitely open for interpretation. At times I think Carol is the wild Max, Judith is him Mom and KW is his sister and others represent various other people or parts of his mind. I don't know that it's ever really defined who exactly is what or who, although some will claim they know. I'm guessing only Sendak really knows, and the movie varies enough from the book that director Spike Jones may have a slightly different vision himself.

Regardless, I could go on for days about that aspect of the film and that's a good enough reason to watch it. It's a very symbolic story about an imaginative, lonely boy who escapes the real world and finds the same issues in his own world he's created.

Visually it's stunning, with awesome images and top-notch special effects. It's quite odd at times perhaps (ya think?) and was actually a little slow moving too often, enough that a lot of smaller children might be turned off. It can be a bit wordy for a children's movie for sure.

In the end I found it a beautiful, charming, quirky and heartfelt film that is pretty memorable.

7/10

Movie Review: Lake Mungo

Synopsis: A sixteen-year-old girl drowns while swimming in the local lake. When her body is recovered and a verdict of accidental death returned, her grieving family buries her. The family then experiences a series of strange and inexplicable events centered in and around their home. They turn to a psychic and set-up cameras around their home to see if they can catch anything, and are startled with the results.

This is almost as much a movie about grief as it is about the supernatural, and it works on both levels. It's done documentary style, borrowing from the same sort of formula Paranormal Activity used. It's unsettling and very sad, I would think especially so for anyone who has lost a child. It feels real and at times can be a little depressing.

But it's also a mystery of sorts. It turns out the girl led a secret, double life and as the clues unfold and the family discovers her secret past the movie turns into a supernatural mystery yet still remains a family drama and documentary.

It's well-made and I found it pretty captivating. There are some really creepy scenes that I thought worked very well and the tone of the movie is very well done by the director (props to Joel Anderson) and all the actors involved. Again, it all just feels very real, which is difficult to pull off. It's got some chills, some twists and a satisfactory finish. I'm very impressed with this subtle, low budget flick and recommend checking it out.

7.5/10

Movie Review: Infestation

Synopsis: A slacker awakes to find himself weak and wrapped in a webbing; after realizing that the world has been taken over by giant alien insects, he wakes a ragtag group of strangers and together they fight for survival.

OK, I really expected this to totally suck but you know what? It was sort of fun. Just accept that it's a very campy, low-budget B movie and you just might enjoy it as I did. It's sort of a poor man's Zombieland meets Shaun of the Dead... with giant bugs instead of zombies.

You get to the fun very early as only about 10 minutes into the film the big creepy crawlies begin to chow down on people. From there it's never boring, although not really a fast pace. It moves along enough to keep it from being too slow while still giving the characters some backstory. There's some great, goey gore and while the CGI effects aren't exactly up to Avatar standards or anything, they're just right for this film as the bugs look pretty good.

The direction is solid as well, but the acting is actually what lifts it a bit over what I expected. Chris Marquette as the slacker and Ray Wise as his Dad are great and the supporting cast is good, with a couple of hot girls and enough others in the surviving group to provide for bug food as the movie goes along.

A well-done campy little comedy/horror monster flick.

6/10

Movie Review: Shutter Island

Synopsis: A drama set in 1954, U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) is investigating the disappearance of a murderess who escaped from a hospital for the criminally insane and is presumed to be hiding on the remote Shutter Island.

Not really a horror movie as it seemed to be advertised but a smart, stylized psychological thriller that I thought was pretty well done. There's a twist, but it all fits together quite nicely and isn't a reach really. Leo DiCaprio is fantastic I think and the supporting cast does a solid job as well.

Honestly though, it's got quite a few cliches as psychological thrillers go really, but the tone and direction is so nice a lot of them felt fresh. Wait, is a fresh cliche possible? Well, I say it is I guess.

The story is complicated and a bit distrurbing a lot of times, but it stays creepy and engrossing enough that I wasn't staring at my watch even though it could probably have been trimmed back a bit. The real horror comes in the form of how your past and guilt can haunt you and even overtake you, and this takes time to develop. It's not like a slasher film where it doesn't take a lot of backstory or thought to know you need to fear and run from the guy with a knife. This is a sharp movie in another sense.

Overall, I don't think it's right at the top of Scorsese's films, but it's up in the top half as it's definitely memorable, haunting and a hypnotic movie.

8/10

Movie Review: 2012

Synopsis: An epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.

While it's noted that the stars of this action film are John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Amanda Peet, the obvious real star is the special effects. They're the scene-stealers and almost make the plot seems sort of useless. It's really just one big long "wow" with occasionally back-stories and goings-on between the people trying to survive. It's a failure script-wise I thought but the visual thrills more than make up for it on the fun scale.

Sure, it's over-the-top (even for a disaster movie) and even ridiculously excessive but the special-effects sequences are just so damn fun I sort of forgot the silliness. It's just entertaining, not particularly thought-provoking, although I'm sure some could take some sort of lesson away from it. Not sure what lessons though... maybe that the Myans are whackos? Avoid Yellowstone Park? Really rich people will actually inherit the earth? It's OK to stowaway on a large boat and become a hero as long as you endanger the life of hundreds of thousands of people and maybe even mankind to do it?

Movie Review: Gamer

Synopsis: Set in a future-world where humans can control other humans in mass-scale, multi-player online gaming environments, a star player (Gerard Butler) from a game called "Slayers" looks to regain his independence while taking down the game's mastermind.

I figured a futuristic action movie starring Michael C. Hall (from one of my favorite shows, Dexter), Gerard Butler (from one of my favorite movies, 300) and the lovely Amber Valletta which also happens to be directed and written by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Crank, Crank: High Voltage and Pathology) couldn't miss. I was sort of wrong, but not really.

I think this movie's ultimate place in movie history will be about expectations. If you're expecting deep character development or some brilliant insight into humanity... well keep on going right past this. If you expect a violent video game style movie with lots of action, gore, nudity and cool camera work and quick cuts... well then you just might enjoy this.

It's not a great movie by any means, but it is what it is and it is what is supposed to be I think. Butler's characters either beats the crap out of or shoots the hell out of everybody in sight. Hall's characters is like an evil Bill Gates. There is some silliness (Dexter dancing and singing Broadway style? Yep) and the plot is just sort of dumb. It ends up a cross between Crank, The Running Man and Death Race. It's a Jason Statham movie without Jason Statham. It's a big, dumb, noisy, sci-fi adrenaline rush that isn't going to change the world but it might keep you shaking your head and pumping your fist for 90 minutes.

6/10

Movie Review: Blood Creek

Synopsis: A man returns years after his mysterious disappearance and leads his brother on a mission of revenge at a rural Maryland farmhouse, where they become trapped in a harrowing occult experiment dating back to the Third Reich.

Well what do you know... a fairly original script for a change. Not a remake, not a sequel. To sum this thing up... a Nazi vampire/zombie dude is feeding off living sacrifices and this guy and his bro, who escaped from the place only to return pissed off and with weapons, are trying to put the kill stamp on him.

It starts off sort of weird as the story unfolds then sort of becomes a house siege type movie, ala Night of the Living Dead or Dog Soldiers. There is blood, oh man there is blood, and there is a lot of violence. Things get really wild. The Nazi, who sort of reminds me of The Creeper from Jeepers Creepers, raises the dead to do his bidding. At one point he raises a horse (after he himself killed it) and sends it into the freakin' house and it's stomping and chomping our heroes. An instant classic horror scene. There are some other creative bits as well.

I'm not sure why it's called Blood Creek as the place where they're at is called Town Creek, and there's never any blood getting near the creek. The movie's original name was actually Town Creek, which is pretty lame too. I'd have gone with Nazi Bloodbath or something. Maybe Zombie Horse From Hell.

And another bonus... it's directed by Joel Schumacher, who forever has a pass from me on anything he does because of one of my all-time favorite vampire films The Lost Boys. He also directed the excellent film Flatliners. His direction here is very good and this movie definitely is well above the quality of most straight-to-DVD releases. It did have a small (very small) theatrical release last year.

So if you think a big ole gory film with zombie horses, ancient ruins, Nazi necromancer vampires, re-animated corpses and a bone suit of armor sounds like a pretty insane concept... well, you're right. And it's pretty entertaining as well. Not a bad little direct-to-DVD title by any means. Well worth checking out.

7.5/10

Movie Review: House of Bones

Synopsis: A group of reality TV ghost hunters from the show Sinister Sites are used to "investigating" haunted houses and using deception to fool viewers, but they get more than they bargained for when they enter a reportedly haunted house that may just prove to be the death of them.

Seeing as how this was a direct-to-TV SyFy movie, I really didn't expect much (I never do, but this doesn't mean I don't love them). Actually though, this one is pretty passable as good fun. The premise has obviously been pretty done to death and even the characters are all clichés... the hot psychic, the Hollywood big shot actor, the director who only cares about the money... etc. But still, it has a decent pace, several bits of action and the story was just enough to maintain my interest for the 90 minutes.

Plenty of characters do get knocked off if ways that include ax hurling and widow shards, but none of them ever really illicit any sympathy (they're all annoying) so they're just pretty much roadkill. There's some gore and blood splatter and the effects actually aren't too bad. All of the actors aren't exactly Oscar quality with their performances, but I felt they were right in the wheelhouse for what this movie needed.

Personally, I love seeing Charisma Carpenter in anything as she's pretty easy on the eyes, and she gets a lot of screen time as the psychic. Sadly some of her sexy time is spent gagging up a giant hairball and also spitting blood, which could totally kill to my fantasy of her. I mean once you've seen a woman cough up a giant hairball it's just not the same. Amiright?

In the end the ridiculous clichéd plot and what I thought was a less than satisfactory and pretty silly finale made this pretty forgettable moments later, but for some fast-food B movie horror it's watchable. Just know what you're getting into.

4/10

Movie Review: The Book of Eli

Synopsis: In a post-apocalyptic United States, a lone man (Denzel Washington) fights his way across the country in order to protect a sacred book that holds the secrets to saving humankind.

Equal parts The Road Warrior, The Ten Commandments and The Postman, it's a pretty entertaining flick. I enjoyed the way Denzel beats the living hell out of people several times. The action scenes are all just terrific and really pick things up when it gets too talky. The short bursts of violence and blood are intense and very well done. I also like how the lines are clearly drawn as to good vs evil. Denzel's character is easy to root for and very likable and by the same token the gang of baddies, led by Gary Oldman, are easy to hate.

The movie looks great and very stylish with a dreary and "white washed" looking world. But as to not get too heavy or depressing, there are some little things about it to lighten the mood occasionally. Who knew Chap Stick was going to be such a commodity in the future?

Denzel is fantastic but Gary Oldman as his nemesis was just as good and both Jennifer Beals and Mila Kunis (That 70s Show) had some great moments. Mila actually has a very big role and I had my doubts she was the type of actress that would fit in here, but she was great and I'd expect to see more of her now after showing some range.

Overall it's a movie about religion, but much like the bible itself it's soaked in blood and violence. I must say that the whole religious thing came across to me as a bit goofy and absurd, but I find religion a bit goofy and absurd althogether so that's no surprise. It's a bit preachy perhaps and that took some off of my enjoyment, but looking at it just as an entertaining flick with some great action I can overlook it. There's also a great "twist" at the end that I didn't see coming, and I like it whenever I get fooled.

7.5/10