And trust me on this, it ain't the heat... it's definitely the damn humidity. Add about 15 degrees to all those temps for heat index. I went to a baseball game last night and was just dripping sweat sitting still trying to drink a beer before it got warm (so, like within 2 minutes). It's hot.
In fact, it's sooooo hot...
I saw 2 trees fighting over a dog.
the National Weather Service has issued a fat guy in tank top warning.
the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts
hot water now comes out of both taps.
that Dick Cheney waterboarded himself.
that I saw a dog chasing a rabbit...and both of them were walking.
I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.
I took a leak after mowing the lawn and all that came out was steam.
the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
I bought a life-size Dolly Parton doll for the shade.
Satan just bought a Summer condo here.
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the trees are whistling for the dogs.
that I went to the store to buy a dozen eggs, and by the time I got home I had twelve chicks in the bag.
you no longer associate bridges with water.
you eat jalepenos to cool your mouth off.
you can make instant sun tea.
mob informants look forward to getting dumped in the river.
you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
you get chilly when the temperature drops below 90
you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
I just drank a Popcicle.
